Let's talk about sex, Victorian sex

"We have a large archive collection of artefacts but we have a very large collection of these," giggles Science Museum worker Sian. What could she be talking about? Why sex toys of course. Those science geeks know how to let their boffin hair down.

The theme at last night's monthly Lates evening at the Science Museum was sex. Cue, snaking queues twice as long as usual around three blocks. Well ok, I've only been to Lates once before but let me tell you, going on numbers, twice as many Londoners are interested in sex than climate change...scandalous.

There was salsa dancing, speed dating and a "lurve" pub quiz. I didn't see any of that. Instead I queued (for an hour, after queuing for an hour to get in - I was obviously determined) to hear a talk on the history of sex aids. Hundreds were turned away. It was a tiny room when I finally got in there - madness given its popularity.

Hosted by two Ann Summers' representatives (Ann Summers in the Science Museum? Apparently the company has just donated some of its more popular gadgets over the years to the museum's collection), the talk was unfortunately less informative than I anticipated. That might have had something to do with the - by now inebriated - blokes at the back who couldn't resist guffawing, interrupting and hollering like naughty schoolboys while I took notes diligently near the front...it really was like school all over again.

I learnt, however, that there is evidence of the existence of sex aids from the prehistoric ages, through the Roman and Egyptian periods, to China's invention of the cock ring in the 1600s. The French had a penchant for exquisitely carved ivory, like the 18th century object d'art above.

While those outwardly reserved but secretly frisky Victorians preferred their bedroom toys to be rather more clinical in appearance.

This one, as Sian explained to me after the talk, was a serious implement which worked like an egg beater to be pressed against the body. It was used by doctors on female patients to cure hysteria. I imagine doctors must have been working eighteen hour days in Victorian times then. If these instruments weren't available doctors would, we were told, use manual methods of relieving hysterical women. Blimey.

And then by the time the roaring twenties rolled round, sex toys were a little more sexualised. Not much though if this hairdryer-like contraption is anything to go by.

Such objects went underground until Playboy brought sex out into the open again in the fifties. Very gradually, sex toys became more acceptable. Once the Rampant Rabbit made an appearance on Sex and the City, it gained Jimmy Choo-like must-have status and the rest is history.

Love fashion hate shopping?

Love fashion but hate shopping? I know I do. Especially in London when throngs of sweaty, clumsy bodies wrestle with their latest hauls while talking loudly on mobiles and shouting at their kids. Why can't there be space and light in changing rooms (without fluff balls on the floor) to see what I'm trying on? Why does my friend never bag the cubicle next to me but always four away when I don't want to walk the length of the fitting rooms to get her opinion? And why does everyone look the same give or take an accessory here or a customised T-shirt there? Why isn't the queue moving?…Yes, I detest shopping in London.

Help is at hand in the form of SchuBubble where you can make an appointment to try on gorgeous vintage clothes (which are tailored to you if they don't quite fit) in your own private boudoir. Founder Tanaz Banda has converted her lovely spare room into a treasure trove bulging with unique bags, hats, belts and clothes sourced by her and, where necessary, repaired by dressmaker Bitti Santos. I went along to SchuBubbles' West London HQ for afternoon tea.

"Whether you go into Primark or Prada you're essentially buying what everyone else is wearing," says Tanaz. "I want SchuBubble to be a place where you can relax and find something original you love. Or we'll make it for you. But we're not a pretentious boutique". From a red (very soft) leather skirt to a vintage black strapless Norman Hartnell cocktail number or a flowery fifties style dress, all tastes are catered for.

 

SchuBubble also has its own simple classic designs - versatile staples which are both comfortable and glamorous (music to my ears). Tanaz sources a limited amount of  material for SchuBubble's own lines from India so once a particular fabric has run out, that's it.

I like the ethos behind SchuBubble because it's a network of creative women set up by Tanaz to foster a sense of community and support. Times are tough ladies and we need to pull together. So you'll also spot complementary and quirky jewellery by An Alleweireldt, a highly sought-after Royal College Of Art graduate (2003) who was commissioned to create a special collection by Tate Modern recently and sells some of her work through its shop.

An often uses recycled materials to create very different beautiful objects, like lollipop sticks to make this striking brooch:

Or old vinyl records - gasp, yes I know, sacrilege. But I now have these two vinyl bracelets:

which I absolutely adore, plus they're a real talking point. All of An's work including some unique pieces can be bought online at OXx jewellery. But I found it's much more fun to mix and match her pieces while trying on new outfits.

And you'll be made a fuss of by the SchuBubble girls which is very nice. I ambled away with a devine black velvet hoodie with a furry collar and adorned with tiny coloured stars.

My favourite philosopher (after red wine) the ancient Greek thinker Epicurus believed that we often substitute our true desires (friends, freedom and a thoughtful life) with manic material desires. So I feel fully justified in having spent a couple of hours in lovely company buying something unusual I'll love and look after, than a whole day buying cheap tat that won't last. Epicurus…you would be proud.

Capitalism: A Love Story

I do like a nice surprise. I don't like not-nice surprises, or shocks to be more exact. I got both last night. When I arrived at the BFI Southbank I was told that their surprise film screening that evening, as part of the BFI Film Festival, was showing uptown in Leicester Square. I was at the wrong venue with a minute to go before the start. Gulp. So I hot-footed it there in high heels and missed the start of the film which was...drum roll...Michael Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story.

Moore sometimes has a tendency to labour his point but not here. This is an engaging, insightful film which explores how capitalism has taken over from democracy in the US and the historical corruption which lies behind the recently engineered crash (yes, I said engineered-the film explains all). I mean, we all know banks have been pulling sheep loads of wool over our eyes but I never realised just how much American banks have been pulling the strings of Presidential puppets. It's really scary.

CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY: Film trailer

Of course Moore has touched on capitalism in previous films but never in-depth, with a global recession as his reference point. He has some great scoops. He talks to a guy who used to be known as the "VIP man" at a big bank. This meant he sorted out special deals for friends of the boss (congress members, captains of industry etc) often saving them millions in fees and interest on loans while ordinary people were losing their homes.

He also talks to distressed people affected by the downturn. Including families who found out that the death of their late husband or wife had earned their former employer (eg Bank of America, Wal-Mart) thousands from secret life insurance policies. A corporate practice known as "Dead Peasant" insurance. As ever he uses humour and inventive use of archive footage to demonise Bush or remark on Reagan's ridiculousness.

I'm not spoiling it by telling you any of this because they're just a fraction of what Moore unearths. And his door stepping pranks are (as you'd expect) brilliant. But I was surprised that the big man himself didn't make an appearance given the surprise film's billing as "the hottest ticket in the entire festival". I think I was slightly short changed - Micky Rourke and director Darren Aronofsky gave a talk after The Wrestler last year - but maybe the budget has been cut.... 

The film had a limited release in the US a month ago and is released here in February. It's an eye-popping must-see. Especially if you're a banker as you'll need to have a defence at the ready for your next dinner party.

Affordable Art Fair

Stacks of hula hoops outside, huge cerise bean bags inside, Pieminister pies in the cafe and an ice cream van made out of cardboard.

The Affordable Art Fair in Battersea Park this weekend is far from pretentious. Set up ten years ago, its aim is to be "approachable, affordable, interesting and fun and to show that you don't need a doctorate in fine art to buy it," according to its founder Will Ramsay.

But don't do as I did yesterday and spend three hours in one third of the place (there's so much to see and everyone is so friendly), leaving half an hour to scoot round the rest.

The stands inside a marquee, running from A-L, are occupied by galleries showing a healthy array of mixed media. While the gallery workers were informative (apart from one woman who couldn't tell me what type of music an artist listened to after making a beeline to tell me that was what made this artist so special - do your research love), what I found most interesting was talking to some of the artists who explained the concepts behind their work and their techniques.

I met the adorable Parisienne Aline Hercberg at Arlev Art gallery for instance who has been exhibiting at the AAF since it started. Her bright, colourful quartet of oil and metallic paintings "Planets" (above) caught my eye reminding me of giant smarties, some of them half eaten. "My inspiration was how we're damaging our world so while some of the planets are whole and beautiful, others are falling apart." So they're sad smarties after all.

Then there was Blackheath based sculptor Michael Speller  whose work I was drawn to when I saw this called "Squeeze".

Michael engagingly explained how most of his work contains very small text of say a poem which gives his elongated bronze figures their rough texture (check out his website above to see some of his stunning pieces.  "Squeeze" is different in that it's more conceptual. The sharks circling a UK composed of British coins are made out of Euros (my Northern Irish friend was miffed there was no sign of Ireland or the Channel Islands but let's not go there). Michael also kindly offered to give me a demo to show the difference between cold cast and foundry bronze. Bless! If only I'd had the time.

There were all sorts of other work that caught my eye, much of it witty and fun. Like these copper shoes by Triss Norman at the Interior Angle stand

Not to mention really punchy and strong screen prints at the Jealous stand (they were the ones who made the ice cream van, their stand had matching ice cream cones) and painter Alan Macdonald's imaginative take on the Old Masters, updating them with subversive humour.

 

Here's a colourful shot (I do like my bright colours) of pictures by Columbian photographer Willy Rojas (Villa del Arte galleries in Barcelona).

He photographs miniature figures next to every day objects creating funny and colourful pictures (like figures diving into an eye yolk or skating on a bowl of soup).

I also saw a few things I liked at the Rebecca Hossack gallery stand but it was so busy I could hardly get in. Managed this half shot of one of Phil Shaw's book prints (if you're fond of books you'll love his stuff).

And finally

I may not have bought any work but I did come home with my very own piece of art - a print of my favourite London bridge (Albert Bridge) which I made at one of Artichoke Print's ace workshops at the fair. Result! I think I have a long way to go before I'm exhibiting at the AAF though.

The blurb says that more than 22,000 people will visit the fair over the four days and the average cost of work sold is £700 (though I noticed some works going for a few thousand were available to buy on a 10 month interest free loan, hooray). The AAF is open until Sunday.

In The Thick Of It

It was Yes ex-Ministers last night when I went to a preview screening near Westminster of the first episode of semi-improvised political satire The Thick Of It which returns for a second series on BBC2 on Saturday (the first series went out on BBC4).

Jacqui Smith (former Home Secretary) guffawed two seats away (occasionally looking slightly uncomfortable) while Hazel Blears (former Communities Secretary) kept turning round to laugh with her from the row in front. Caroline Flint (former Minister for Europe) made it three ex-Ministers in the house. All have been involved and (subsequently reshuffled out of cabinet) in the MPs expenses scandal. Nice to see they've still got their sense of humour.

It's well known that The Thick Of It is popular in Westminster. As the show's creator Armando Iannucci said last night, privately MPs always tell him how true to life it is but publicly they say the exact opposite.

Vile spin doctor Malcolm Tucker (played by Peter Capaldi) is the snake-like whirlwind at the centre of it all. The script is funny, fast-paced and often filthy with Tuckerisms like "He's so dense light bends around him," bound to become required pub banter. The show famously has a swearing consultant who seems to be earning his or her keep given Tucker's increasingly inventive and hilarious rants.

Writing in The Independent, Rebecca Front who plays new Secretary of State for Social Affairs and Citizenship Nicola Murray says "You never forget the first time you get "Tuckered" – screamed at by Malcolm. But I found it strangely exhilarating". Front has taken over from the now disgraced Chris Langham who used to play blundering minister Hugh Abbot. And her character looks set to give Tucker some trouble.

Free Art Fair

Art has never had my heart beating faster before (maybe I haven't come across the right art?) but yesterday it happened as I waited for the third and last ever Free Art Fair to be given away at the Barbican. Along with about 500 people-of all ages and a few different demographics-the thought I might soon own one of 50 specially commissioned artworks if my name was called had me buzzing. This must be how collectors feel as they decide if they'll bid another few thousand.

Sadly my name wasn't read out but it was fun watching the reactions of those that were (from some who punched the air with excitement to others who looked like someone had just crushed their foot with a stiletto. Honestly, some people need to lighten up).

It was a mixed bag of affairs from the more traditional huge oil on canvas paintings (like Jasper Joffe's below, accompanied by chairs)

to installations with marmalade jars (and hopefully nothing else) by Bob & Roberta Smith emploring us to 'Free Bob's Sperm'.

and blank sheets of paper signed by artist Peter Harris (yes really…touched by famous artists like Jeff Koons, apparently).

If I'd won, I would have picked Kong, a graffiti painting by James Jessop. He marries graffiti with fine art painting techniques using 1980s references I like (King Kong) which create really vibrant, action packed paintings.

The organiser Jasper Joffe looked rather frazzled, so big shout out to him for spreading the free art love on a Sunday afternoon. It seems this is the last free art fair, in London at least, because it was such a mammoth effort persuading artists and everyone else to give their time for free.

It's no accident that the fair took place in the same week as Frieze Art Fair, Pavilion of Art & Design and all the rest. Joffe started it as an alternative to the often cliquey, commercial art market. "I liked the idea of giving away art in an institutional or public space, so that someone can walk into a place you normally expect just to look or listen to something and go home with a piece of art," says Joffe. So for the past three years the fair has exhibited art for a week and then given it all away at the end.

Teachers, nurses, lawyers, students and a homeless person have all won art in the past (although the latter had nowhere to hang it so sold it to someone else in the queue).

Free Art Fair is an exciting and admirable concept. I do hope it continues elsewhere. Now I just need to find more art to make my heart beat faster. All ideas welcome.